A Missed Opportunity

Earlier today, I attended morning Mass at my parish. After Mass, I noticed that a former parish staff member, a member of a major womens religious community, was giving a tour of the church to two other Sisters from her community. I stopped to say hello to the Sister that I knew and to introduce myself to the other two Sisters. I learned that they had just been on one side of the state for a retreat and were returning to their motherhouse on the other side of the state. On the way back home, the former staff member wanted to show her community members the church where she had been involved in religious education.

I provided an update on what was going on at the parish. When asked about what was going on in my life, I mentioned that I continue to discern a vocation to the permanent diaconate in a diocese that has yet to embrace the ministry. To my astonishment, one of the other Sisters said, "I don't think you should have the opportunity to be ordained until there are deaconesses".

How does one respond to that? I was so stunned that I really could not think how to respond. However, the sense of being stunned has worn off. Now I lament the fact that I missed a wonderful teaching opportunity. Here are a few ways I could have, and maybe should have, responded:

• "Well, I believe that everyone should have the opportunity to discern and pursue God's call regardless of gender, age, etc. I would hope that you feel the same way and would encourage people to prayerfully respond to God's call".
• "That response shows an attitude that creates a challenge to active consideration of the ordination of women. The 'if I can't have it, then nobody should attitude' is selfish. All of us should do what we can to create environments that allow the gifts every single individual has to be fully utlized to help build the Church. If an individual is treated unfairly, that is no reason for them to want to deny others the opportunity to act on God's call. While my diocese does not have a formation program for permanent deacons, I rejoice with and pray for aspirants, candidates and deacons in other dioceses. At the same time, I pray that my time will come. You should do the same".
• "Obviously, you have not embraced what was presented in your recent retreat. If you had, you would not have made that statement".

Perhaps the most appropriate response would have been a gentle blending of all three of these possible replies.

I'll admit that I was shaken by the Sister's statement. What has helped is that I know several Sisters from the community that has had and continues to have a very positive influence on my family. Many of these Sisters are incredible leaders - in diocesan administration, in parishes, in schools, in colleges, in health care, in serving challenged communities, etc. Many of them would make wonderful deacons, priests and bishops. While I have never discussed the topic with any of them, my guess is that some of these Sisters are frustrated in not being able to pursue a call to serve as an ordained minister. Some of these same Sisters know of my very long and frustrating discernment to serve as a permanent deacon. I know that they are praying for me as I am praying for them - in gratitude for what they do and in hope that all Sisters in their community have the opportunity to serve as God calls them.