Be Careful About What You Wish For

Yesterday afternoon, the phone in my office rang. I have caller ID that helps me identify junk calls or calls that I know are going to be wasteful of my time and the time of the caller. I didn't recognize the number. In the second between picking up the phone receiver and putting it to my ear, I had the feeling that this was going to be a difficult conversation.

The woman said that she was trying to get help for her teenage son with reading difficulties. His school refuses to recognize that he has a disability. He really struggles with reading. While he is a high school freshman, he reads at a third grade level. Because of this, the woman said he is often the target of bullying. The woman began to cry and said that her son was a very good kid that just needs some help. Even though she was crying, she would not stop talking. I had to abruptly cut her off in an effort to ask some targeted questions that might help me develop some recommendations for her.

She said she had been everywhere and nobody would help her. She said her family was not in the position to afford a private reading tutor. Then she said it. For the first time in nearly 8 years of working closely with parents of special needs children, a parent said to me, "I wish I had never had him".

How does one respond to that? Not being one to coddle, I mentioned to the mother that, while I understood her frustration, her statement was incredibly selfish. Advocating for other people is not about the "advocators", but about the "advocatees". What about her son - the "good kid that just needs some help"? I shared with her that I serve as guardian for 14 people with developmental disabilities. Advocating for them never gets easier - it only becomes increasingly difficult. But what are the options? I cannot let them simple become "cogs" in the human service system. Each one is a person - an individual that, while having some challenges, has many skills that, if given appropriate support, can flourish in their community. The problem is not with her son. The problem is with the human service system. I'll take hundreds of her sons over the inefficient human service system we have.